6 Tips for a Successful Divorce
Have realistic expectations.
Whether married or separating, not every day is good. There are days you and your former spouse are miles apart, feel defeated and can’t remember why in the world you ever married each other. Remember that’s normal and part of the grief process.
Separation doesn’t right the wrongs of the marriage. Don’t expect the frustrations and disappointments that led to separation to be solved now. Work with the people the two of you are-with all your strengths and flaws.Work on Communicating.
Most separating couples communicate poorly. Indeed this is often a key factor in the breakdown of the relationship. Acknowledge this and engage a family professional (or separation therapist) to help you be more effective in your negotiations, better co-parents going forward and perhaps happier with your next partner.
Be Healthy and Take Care of You.
There is no doubt that the separation process is one of the most stressful of life’s experiences. This is the time, more than ever, to watch your mental and physical health. Try your best to do the things you need to stay grounded, whether it’s eating well, regular exercise, meditation, seeing friends, obtaining counselling or pursuing a hobby you love. Carve out time to take care of you.
Learn to Forgive.
Forgiveness is not for your ex-partner but for you. People that carry the resentment and pain of a failed relationship will struggle to find happiness in themselves and in any other relationship. It also deeply impacts their ability to keep their kids first and co-parent effectively. Forgiveness is not something that happens overnight – it’s a process. Take steps to start your journey to forgiveness- you’ll get there and be better for it.
Ride the Wave.
This is may be one of the toughest waves you’ll ever ride. Try to remember this is not forever – how you feel will pass and you will move on to closure and peace.
Find the Right Cheerleaders.
Find a support network that cheers you on to be the best person you can be during the separation process. Try to minimize exposure to people who do share your philosophy on separation. If your goal is to find amicability down the road, you need to find people who encourage you to put your children first, help you decide between choosing peace and pushing an issue, and supports you when during the inevitable ups and downs without judgement.
Find the Right Team.
Who you choose to work with will largely dictate the kind of separation process you experience. No matter how conflicted you are, whether trust was broken, if your parenting philosophies are different, and no matter how sad you feel, set goals for where you want to be. Make sure your lawyer understands and can help you achieve your goals. Consider a therapist to assist with this process. Bring in the professionals you need to help you reach your goals.
