Tips for Nesting Parents During COVID
CREATE A PARENTING/RESPONSIBILITY SCHEDULE. Create a parenting schedule and write it down. Know who’s the ‘on’ parent and whose the ‘off’ parent. Similarly, clearly outline what household responsibilities are each parents’. Do you both work from home right now? If so, who does the wake up and breakfast routine, who’s doing the day time with the kids (or did you break it up), etc. Who’s cooking dinner, doing bedtime and doing the laundry? The more specific you are, the less conflict can arise. Then, do your agreed upon responsibility and follow through with the plan.
CREATE SEPARATE SPACES. Have a space that belongs to each parent (it can be tiny!). Respect each other’s need for privacy and space. If the spaces can be separated by a floor – that’s ideal.
BE MINDFUL OF THE OTHER PERSON’S TRIGGERS. If leaving your dirty dishes in the sink is something that drives the other person crazy – stop doing it. For two weeks to a month – try your best not to not do the things that trigger conflict. The goal is to coexist and minimize conflict. It requires participation, engagement and cooperation from both people.
TAKE ALONE TIME. When you’re the ‘off’ parent – be off. Take your time for working out, a walk, or your choice of what to watch on Netflix. Our mental and physical health is super important during this time.
GET SUPPORT. If this time is causing you anxiety and stress – that’s normal. Let’s hold space for it. Separation and divorce is challenging enough emotionally and financially, let alone throwing in a pandemic and crazy markets on top. Be honest about where you’re at. Get the support you need to cope the best you can. Call a friend, a close family member, your therapist or your lawyer. Most therapists, financial advisors and lawyers are doing video conferencing and are there to help you.
TAKE ON A PROJECT. Separating is extremely time consuming from getting financial disclosure in order, to thinking over long term living and parenting arrangements, to getting homes ready for sale, to deciding how to share household items. Now is the time to tackle some of these things. Maybe it’s time to get the pictures from your spouse’s laptop; open up your own bank account; get the disclosure ready for your lawyer; research and schedule an appointment with a financial advisor. Is there a project around the house to help get it ready for sale? Pick something and go for it.
BE KIND.This is an unprecedented time for everyone – that includes your former spouse. Try to offer them kindness. Give them the benefit of the doubt – or if that seems too hard – try and let go of something they said that triggered you. Try to avoid the passive aggressive comment or deliberate dig. If you can be kind to one another , the period you’re living so closely together will be more manageable. And it will be easier to separate constructively after we’re through this.
